As
anyone who was born poor will tell you, it would have been a hell of a
lot better to have been born rich. Some poor bastard showing up in an
industrial parking lot wearing a shabby coat and dirty hat in the hopes
of an afternoon’s work would give up a lung to live the kind of life of
privilege that the silver-spoon set take for granted from the day their
first solid poop is cast in bronze and shipped to Royal Doulton.
Some rich people blend into their sickening excesses – their furs
and diamond studded gotchies — and they never bother us poor people
unless it’s to murder a service person or marry one of us in a moment
of slumming they’ll live to regret in the divorce courts.
We keep ourselves in concrete, noise and squalor, and they live on
their miles-wide estates large enough to house multiple golf courses,
complete with horses who shit healthier than 90% of the rest of us. But
it’s been that way forever, and one comes to learn to accept the
inevitable.
With the internet spreading their exploits faster than some fat
sweaty asshole with a toupee in Santa Barbara can finesse his
connections to try to stop it, the daughters of the privileged have
made their nauseating selves familiar to a wider and poorer lot than
could be summoned for a Country Club circle jerk.
Part of the reason for this is these women are far better looking
than the male heirs to big money (see Steve Forbes, and all men in the Royal Family, whose
women, it must be said, do not follow the good looking heiress rule. ).
But whatever the reason, our screens have been filled with these
nauseating ladies to the throne who redefine frivolity and
shamelessness every time they appear on camera.
What do you get when you mix a staggering family fortune with a
genetic tendency toward megalomania and fail to temper that with any
manner of restraint or introspection? The Top 10 Most Annoying Celebrity Heiresses.
We’ve chosen 10, but the list could have been much longer, and their
ranks will continue to swell as long as young rich women continue to
prim naked and machine-tanned in front of a mirror and meet with a
positive response when they ask the pool-boy “Do you really think I
could be a star?”
10. Vanisha Mittal
Vanisha Mittal is the richest heiress in the world and the daughter
of Lakshmi Mittal, whose work you will recognize in the 1000-yard
stares on the faces of former steel union representatives worldwide.
While her father did appoint her to run Mittal Steel, nepotism is about
as common as an unflinching sense of entitlement and a cold ignorance
of the lives of the majority of the population among the uber-rich, and
she does seem to be serious about her business and lacking the more
odious qualities of others on this list.
Mittal makes it on here for her wedding in 2004,
one that was so grand and expensive it makes the synonyms one would
normally apply – such as “obscene”, or “a 2×4 to the ribs of every
decent person who works for a living” – seem inadequate. Her wedding to
Guy Smiley in the photo (pictured drinking liquid gold) cost nearly 80
million, and involved rentals of top Parisian properties including,
appropriately enough, the gallery at Versailles, where the debauched
rich of yesteryear lorded it up before a change of events made a
cutting argument for a more equal distribution of wealth.
9. Guinness Heiress Clare Irby
Clare Irby is a scion of the Guinness brewing dynasty, and that
alone is likely enough to encourage most of our male readers to sharpen
their No. 2 pencils, break out a legal pad, and get started on some
poetic verses to win her heart. But, like the Guinness Brewery itself,
where you have to traverse endless floors filled with the tedium of the
beer-making process before finally arriving, panting, at the top floor
to guzzle a pint, she might be more effort than she’s worth.
Earlier this year, Irby was arrested for
being drunk and disorderly on an 11-hour Bangalore India to London. It
was alleged that Ms. Irby got friendly with a seatmate, whose
girlfriend was asleep and thus blind to her husband conducting a
first-hand inspection of the Guinness family lineage beside her. (Click here for
a hilarious Daily Mail cartoon on the subject). Others on the plane
said that she kept repeatedly ringing the call button, loudly demanding
“more booze”, and that she was deaf to the cries of her toddler child,
whose dirty nappy she is also alleged to have tossed on an empty seat
behind her. (We were cool with her until that final bit. Screaming
children should be kept in the overhead compartment).
Irby was found not guilty,
but the reason for that may have been that the prosecutor had to prove
she was drunk in British airspace, which would have been only the final
20 minutes of the 11 hour flight. Since she had been cut off hours
before then — presumably somewhere between the time she flashed her
underwear to her fellow passengers and later when she flipped off a
cabin attendant — she had had a chance to sober up.
8. Anna Anisimova
“The Russian Paris Hilton”. We can’t speak for all Russians (just
the vast majority of them since we’re huge there), but we’d guess that
being likened to the frivolous blonde, grainy-video blowjob-giving
heiress would not be something most would appreciate.
But Anisimova has come to earn that name, renting a house in the
Hamptons for a couple of months for US$550,000*, buying up New York
real estate, and throwing tightly-packed wads of hundred dollar bills
hard into the faces of poor people and shouting, “Yes, I’m rich, isn’t
it glorious!” Ok, we made that up, but she was Paris Hilton-like in her
ability to successfully inflict herself upon the social scene, in her
case New York’s.
7. Tori Spelling
Spelling, the daughter of TV mogul Aaron (whose productions and co
productions included The Love Boat, Fantasy Island, Ve$as, Hotel, and
TJ Hooker) somehow managed to get herself cast in one of daddy’s
productions, Beverly Hills 90210, which was set at Beverly Hills High
school (where she went). Previously, also by sheer coincidence, she’d
guest starred on The Love Boat, Fantasy Island, Ve$as, Hotel and TJ
Hooker.
As a testament to her incredible versatility as an actress, Spelling
portrayed Donna, the good-looking daughter of a wealthy cardiologist
and socialite, which meant inhabiting the character of someone who
wallowed in the upper 6-figure income bracket rather than the mid 7.
Her book sTORI Telling (rejected title: Spelling Disaster) sat atop the
New York Times bestseller list and with any luck, has been put to a
more useful purpose being burned under bridges to warm the homeless.
CLICK HERE FOR MORE!!!!!
Read and post comments |
Send to a friend
]]>
